Selfishness disguised as Self-Improvement

The Self-Help (or Self-Improvement) movement has been around in one form or another for as long as anyone can tell.  Most religious texts, in one way or another, are guides on how we should live towards the aim of becoming better people and more conscious human beings.  And depending on which movement of faith or devotion resonates with you  - these are altruistic goals which are both noble and fundamentally good in their pursuits.  The predominate message in all of these texts is that the path to becoming a better person, and how to enrich your human experience is to help your fellow man and that  the greatest good is in helping others.  

Somewhere during the 1970's the goals behind self-improvement took a drastic turn.  It went from a popularized message of "helping your fellow man" to "looking out for number one."  Namely, the focus became on the self, and putting one's own needs and desires before and above all others.  In other words: don't worry about others - just worry about helping yourself.  Hence: " self help ".   This focus on the self gained momentum during the 1970's, though it really didn't start to take off until the 1980's - a decade nicknamed the "ME" decade for these reasons.  Since then, a massive industry has flourished under this premise, generating billions each year and creating several self-styled guru millionaires in the process. 

Go into any Barnes and Noble and browse the "Self Improvement" section.  You'll find countless books and guides telling you how to, among other things: "Become a Better You", "Create the Life you Want", "[You can] Heal your life",  "How to be Happier 7 Days a week", "Learn to Manifest your desires" and so on, ad nauseum. 

Open the paper on any given Sunday and you'll find countless ads for seminars guaranteeing to teach you the skills for, among other things: "The Millionaire Mindset", "Creating Wealth In All Areas of Your Life", "Living an Extraordinary Life", and "Creating Breakthroughs in your Spiritual Emotional and Personal Life."  Usually, these are low-priced introductory seminars with the intention of luring you into a large-scale sales pitch, which will be presented to you during the introductory seminar.  The sales pitch of course, for further future seminars, usually costing thousands of dollars, where you are told you will learn the more intensive lessons and teachings from the presenting guru/teacher.

Watch cable television late at night - usually after 12:30am.  Tony Robbins has amassed a global empire along with billions of dollars by selling CD's and DVD's filled with common sense knowledge to millions of overweight and low self-esteem plagued insomniacs. 

The message from all of these various different outlets is fundamentally the same:  Forsake others and only look out for yourself.  You are the most important person in the world.  You deserve to have every material excess you desire.  Do whatever you want, for yourself, all of the time, regardless of how it might effect anyone else.

Although this message is probably intended (in it's most noblest sense) to be one of empowerment to people unsure of their footing in the world, and to give them confidence in forging out directions that they may be uncertain of - it also comes with a weighty downside.  Laying underneath this mantra of moral immunity is a darker affirmation that embeds itself in the minds of its adherents.

And that message is:  Be Selfish.  In fact, be unashamedly selfish. 

Being selfish under the guise of self-improvement is a message that is becoming more readily accepted all of the time in our current culture of narcissistic self-promotion.  One might argue that being selfish and self-serving is in fact helpful and possibly even necessary in the pursuits of achieving one's personal goals.  Our question in opposition to that mindset is a simple one:  At What Cost?

The negative effects from the pervasive though process of oblivious selfishness that permeates throughout the self-help movement are difficult to deny.  In people's efforts to achieve more self-esteem or a more fulfilling outlook on life, the movement itself has swung the pendulum to such an extreme that it is creating a culture of self-obsessed narcissists.  To be so completely focused on your own emotional health, your own sense of self and the obtainment of your own desires in in fact the very definition of narcissism.   And narcissism is the most extreme form of selfishness.  Narcissists are, by their very nature, self-serving and self-aggrandizing.  And they're tiresome.  Spend time with any narcissistic person and you'll quickly grow tired of hearing how much they've been "working on themselves", how "spiritual" they are, and how they wish others could just "see the world they way that they did and they would be happier."  This attitude is both condescending and off putting to nearly everyone around them.

Not all narcissists are gurus.  But all self-professed Gurus ARE narcissists.  And unfortunately, what the followers and customers of these gurus fail to realize is that the message they're ingesting from these books, seminars and sermons delivered by these Gurus is this:

Guru:  "If you want to be successful, happy and achieve everything you want in the world - you just have to be like me."

Translation:  "To be like me, you must become a narcissist."

And a growing culture of narcissists is a very tiresome culture indeed.

A simple alternative to this:  Stop thinking about yourself all of the time.  Start putting others ahead of you from time to time.  Do things for the betterment of others rather than just for your own self-advancement.  You'll find that in doing this, people will like you more, you'll be doing good, and your self esteem will increase simply through knowing that you're helping your fellow man.  It's a fundamentally simple attitude to adopt, and one that has the potential for spreading something positive within society.  Rather than the alternative - attitude of the self-obsessed that merely starts and ends with you and stands to benefit no one in the long run.

The Honeymoon Phase...and the Crash. (A study of Love Bombing)

There are countless different directions we can go in on the subject of self help and countless different figures and characters within the industry to cover.  In this blog, we hope to give adequate time and discussion to each of the ones we cover with each subsequent post.

From time to time however, we are also going to discuss some of the techniques that are used by self help profiteers to lure in followers (see: customers) and to sell their products and platitudes. 

Today's technique:  LOVE BOMBING.

Ever been to a day-long or multiple-day self help seminar?  Ever gone to see a "life coach?"  Ever read any of the countless "Chicken Soup for the _____" books?  If you've done any of these, you've probably been love bombed and you haven't even known it.

Love Bombing is the practice of deliberately flooding someone with exorbitant amounts of self-esteem and self worth.  It's the bestowing of instant friendship, closeness, and camaraderie on an individual often times from a complete stranger.   It's the practice of instilling in someone an overwhelming sense of joy and euphoria.    And the rush of euphoria you feel in these moments is very similar (nearly identical in fact) to the flood of euphoric endorphins you feel in the initial stages of falling in love.  Hence the name:  Love Bombing.

Falling in love is a wonderful feeling - and hopefully it's something that we've all known from time to time in our lives.  Even though you may not be aware of it at the time - there are several different chemical and hormonal reactions occurring within your body during these experiences.  In those initial stages of falling in love, a couple of key brain areas are stimulated into hyper-awareness: The amygdala and the HPA Axis (Hypothalamus, Pituitary Gland and Adrenal Glands).  When these areas are stimulated in the initial throws of romantic and sexual love, they flood your body with some very pleasurable hormones and neurotransmitters.  These neurochemicals include Dopamine, Serotonin, Epinephrine, Nor-epinephrine and oxytocin - otherwise known as "the bonding hormone."   During these times, when we're flooded with the euphoria of new found love or lust, we're very apt to do things that we might not otherwise do within a normal frame of mind.  You might stay up all night when you know that you have to be up early for work in the morning for work.  You might indulge in behaviors without thinking of their potential consequences to yourself or to the people around you.  And most importantly, you might find yourself spending money that you otherwise don't have, can't afford to spend, or would me more hesitant to part with without careful thought and deliberation.

The Self-Help industry, especially those individuals and groups that lead short, or multi-day self-help seminars or trainings, are well aware of this fact.  They know that if you stimulate an individual's self-esteem into a state of euphoria, their brain will be overwhelmed with the aforementioned hormones, and as a result, these same people will be far more likely to temporarily give up their critical thinking skills and can therefore be easily manipulated into buying overpriced and empty products. 

Tony Robbins' seminars are a prime example of this.  See the video below:

 

The goal:  Whip the crowd into a ecstatic frenzy and then hit them with your pitch.  In the case of Tony Robbins, it will almost always be the pitch of one of his other high priced seminars.   

If you know anything about Bi-Polar or Manic-Depressive disorder, you'll know that these elated states achieved in these self-help seminars are very similar to, and at times nearly identical to, the manic phases of bi-polar disorder.  

Have you ever spoken with someone who's recently completed a self-help seminar?  Or do you remember the feelings you felt immediately after completing one yourself?  Did you find that their/your self-esteem felt exceptional?  As though you could accomplish nearly anything?  Did you find that they/you were flooded with energy and that you were amazed at how little sleep they/you actually needed to get by?  Did you feel as though they/you were flooded with ideas?  With things that you wanted to accomplish?  Inspirations?  Did you find them/yourself to be possessed with a new found drive to achieve new goals they'd/you'd set in their/lives? 

Next, consider the criteria for a manic episode as listed by the DSM-IV (Diagnosis and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders):

   1. Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity

   2. Decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)

   3. more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking

   4. flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing

   5. distractability (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external 

       stimuli)

   6. increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or 

       psychomotor agitation

   7. excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful   

       consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish 

       business investments)

Self-Help seminars and trainings are specifically designed to manufacture a semi-manic state within their participants.   Firstly, because your brain is easily influenced (see: manipulated) in these states, and secondly because these states of mind can be highly addictive.  These elated brain states (or semi-manic episodes) stimulate the same areas of the brain that are excited during the initial throws of romantic love or sexual ecstasy.  They're also the same areas of the brain that are stimulated with the use of cocaine and heroin.  All of the aforementioned states are highly addictive. And once the initial "high" is over, all of the aforementioned states also have the let down, or "crash" that follows.  In the case of romantic love, once the initial euphoria subsides, your relationship either settles into a more comfortable and stable relationship, or it ends and you both part ways (hopefully amicably).  In the case of Bi-Polar disorder, nearly all manic episodes are followed by a state of depression that will vary in degree, depending on the individual.  And in the case of the person who's come down from the high of a self-help seminar, much like the cocaine or heroin user, the only goal becomes to find a way to achieve that euphoric high again.  And as the cocaine or heroin user goes out in search for their next supply - the self-help seminar participant goes out in search of a way to re-capture that overwhelming feeling of self-confidence and invincibility that they felt in the presence of their guru.  And the self-help industry will always be there, ready with the next level of the "trainings" to sell you on with the lure of re-achieving that elusive and fleeting feeling.   

The point is:  The feeling is fleeting.  It cannot be sustained.  

The goal of the self-help industry and of the seminar/training groups is to keep you addicted to the feeling you get while you're there.   Their business depends on it.  They don't actually want you to feel good about yourself.  Why would they?  If you did actually sustain life-long positive change in your life and you actually achieved all of the dreams and goals that they lead you to believe you will accomplish just by going through their trainings - they'd lose a customer - for life.  Their goal is to keep you addicted to the feeling that you have during the seminar itself.  Hence the need to continue to create and devise new seminars (that essentially recycle the same information) or order to keep you (the customer) returning for more.  

Don't give up your critical thinking skills.  If you find yourself involved with a group / seminar / training that uses LOVE BOMBING, or any other method designed to manufacture an inflated sense of self-esteem and euphoria - beware.  In most cases, it's a carefully designed and very powerful sales technique - intended to part you with your money while you are in an easily manipulated state of mind. 

Remember, the self-help and seminar industry does not want you to feel good about yourself and your abilities.  They wouldn't be a 2B a year business if they did.  Like the tobacco industry, they want you to be addicted to the products that they're selling.  It's all about repeat business for them.

Thanks for reading.  

And until next time, question everything.

-Perry.

$elf Help And You

Welcome.  This is the first official post on The False Profits.

This web blog is dedicated exclusively to exposing the rampant fraud and hypocrisy within the "Self-Help" industry.

Our goal is to help educate consumers and people considering turning to, or investing money in, self- help programs.  And to expose the people who market themselves as "Gurus," "Coaches," and "Spiritual Teachers."

Our aim is not to offend - but merely to provide information to the public at large and most importantly to the people seeking out guidance and advice outside of themselves.  We understand that everyone has a right to their beliefs, morals, and convictions.  And we make no attempt to sway you from any of these.  We only ask that upon reading the information you find here that you exercise your ability for critical thinking and reasoning.  Question the claims made by the people trying to sell you the answers to your questions.  Do they care about you and your best interests?  Do they have the experience and qualifications needed to support the claims that they advertise?  Are their motivations ethical?  Or merely profit driven?

We hope to update this blog as often as possible.  With each new post dedicated to exposing the various people and organizations who take advantage of, and profit from the uncertainties that we all have, the hope that we all need, and the questions that we all want answered.

We live in an uncertain world, during very difficult and trying times.  And we all are looking for answers.  Beware the people who proclaim to have all of these answers and are willing to give them to you - for a price.

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." (Matthew 7:15)

Question everything.
-Perry O. Veritas






Some definitions to consider (from Websters.com):


Charlatan:  [shahr-luh-tn] –noun 
1) one making usually showy pretenses to knowledge or ability

2) a person who pretends or claims to have more knowledge or skill than he or she possesses; quack.

Fraud: [frawd] -noun

1) intentional perversion of truth in order to induce another to part with something of value or to surrender a legal right

2) deceit, trickery, sharp practice, or breach of confidence, perpetrated for profit or to gain some unfair or dishonest advantage

2) a person who makes deceitful pretenses; sham; poseur

Sociopath: [soh-see-uh-path] -noun

a person, as a psychopathic personality, whose behavior is antisocial and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.

Con-Man (Con-Artist): -noun

someone who makes a living by swindling people.